Brutalities and Idiosyncrasies of the German Language

Dear Readers,
As you know, I have been terribly delinquent in keeping up with my blog entries. (Or as my good friend informed me, I've been a total flake.) I wrote the following entry back in March while I was still living in Berlin and traveling for auditions. I have much more to share, but for the moment, here is...Brutalities and Idiosyncrasies of the German Language.

I love German. Really, I do. My first German language experience was at the age of twelve, when I sang my first German Lied: Schubert’s Heidenröslein. A sweet little text with diminutive words and an elegant lilt. (I’m sure my German was less than elegant, as it was taught to me by the choir teacher at Summer Arts in Tulsa, Oklahoma.) As I continued my vocal studies, I sang the songs of Schubert, Schumann and Wolf, and studied the poetry of Goethe, Rilke and Heine. The music was so entrancing, and the poetry exquisite. So imagine my surprise years later upon learning German grammar and vocabulary, to find that not all of German is beautiful. Some of the loveliest things in life are given the most heinous and graphic of German names. The word "butterfly" is commonly used as a point of comparison for different languages. In French, the word is “Papillon,” a sweet and lovely word even prettier than the English version. In German, however, the word for butterfly is “schmetterling.” Now, that isn’t the prettiest word in the world, but believe me, it gets much worse.

The German language is like the German people: capable of great elegance and beauty, yet sometimes cold, literal, direct, and with hard edges. Take for example, the German word for meat, which is “Fleisch” or literally, “flesh.” Every time I see that word on a menu, it is enough to make me want to become a vegetarian all over again. How about “Zahnfleisch”? As in, brushing your teeth regularly will keep your “Zahnfleisch” healthy. Translated into English, that word means “teeth meat,” or as we prefer to call them in English, “gums.” And downstairs next to my building, is a “Fleischerei,” or a “fleshery.” (I suppose the word “butcher” isn’t so subtle, either, but then, there are many similarities between English and German.) To this day, I can’t figure out what the word “Spital” means in German. I know what it means in English, and it is revolting. Yet all over German speaking countries, you will see “Kinderspital” or “Spitalstrasse,” “Spitalmarkt,” or “Spitalgasse”. Regardless of what it means in German, it is a nasty looking and sounding word, and for some reason the Germans seem quite proud of it.

But by far, my all time favorite word to love and hate in German is…. ...are you ready???

BRUSTWARTZEN.

Yep, you guessed it. And no, I am not kidding.

The translation of Brustwartzen is indeed: “BREASTWARTS!!!!

Seriously.

The Germans have managed to take one of the most beautiful parts of the body and turn it into something horrifying. (And they think the word “nipple” is slang!)

Some words in German are delightfully onomatopoeic, such as the word for chopsticks: “Stabchen” (“little stabbers”) and the word for a head cold, which is “Schnupfen.” I also adore the words “küsse” and “süsse,” which sound just as delicious as they are. And as most of us know, German words can extend on for miles, like the word “Jahreshauptversammlung,” which refers to an annual meeting. With words this long, I have yet to understand how one could play Scrabble in German.

In spite of all these linguistic idiosyncrasies, gross or just plain silly, German manages to redeem itself with lovely words such as “Rosenthalerstrasse,” or “Liebling.” I find these words incredibly satisfying and rich, and for all the ugly words to be found in German, there are far many more beautiful ones.

Which brings me to my love of languages in general. Last week I was in Paris, and within two days I felt like I could understand and communicate in French. Not well, of course, but well enough to experience the difference of what French feels and tastes like, verses English or the German I’ve been learning. I remember that my graduate school boyfriend, who was both a native German and English speaker, would sound like a completely different person to me in each language. I felt like I was getting a glimpse into a whole different side of him when I heard him speak German, even though at the time I didn’t understand much of it. Someone once told me that you are as many different people as the number of languages you speak. I believe that is true, and perhaps that is part of why learning a new language is so deeply satisfying. In absorbing and reproducing the rhythm, cadence, and color of a new language, we allow different parts of ourselves to rise to the surface and be heard. The experience is an unveiling of a self you didn’t know existed.

Often maddening and always humbling, learning a new language forces you to put your ego aside and start from the ground up, like a child learning something for the first time. You must be willing to sound like a complete idiot for months at a time, and not allow your ego to creep in and prevent you from even trying. When one allows the protective walls of the ego to recede into the background, what comes into the foreground is always a relief. How wonderful to know that the world doesn’t collapse when I speak in a less than brilliant manner, when I make mistakes, when I allow myself to be vulnerable and ask for help. What a relief to know that people generally don’t care if you aren’t perfect. (How silly and egomaniacal to think it could be otherwise!) When those beautiful moments happen, when you realize you just had an entire conversation in German, or you spoke to someone with words you didn’t know you had inside of you, it feels like more than just a linguistic success. It feels personal, as if you have allowed yourself to expand and briefly break free from the shackles of ego and insecurity. It is the best reward for all the patience and frustration that comes with learning a language, and it comes long before you have achieved full fluency. And so my love for German continues, in spite of my shock at words like “Zahnfleisch” and “Brustwarzen.” As long as I keep learning new words like “Gleichfalls” and “Blumen,” my love affair will continue.

Love / Hate Part I

Just in case anyone mistook my candor for a lack of appreciation for Germany, please allow me to clarify. God knows I wouldn’t want to offend anyone. Let me tell you about some of the things I love about Germany:

I love the way the windows can open from the top or from the side, I usually choose to keep the top open.

I love my balcony, even though I’m not using much in the cold.

I love the chocolate here, because let’s be frank, it’s on an entirely different plane than American chocolate. Same with the yogurt. There is no comparison between the organic, plain, low-fat yogurt here and that of the U.S. It’s fantastic here.

I love that wine and beer are cheap here. It would be nice if water was also cheap, but hey, you can’t have everything.

I am simply amazed that everyone can walk around with their dogs off leash, and the dogs follow them and stay out of the roads and away from the bikers.

I love that I can bring my dog into almost any store or restaurant, and on any subway or train without her having to be in a Sherpa bag.

I love that by New York City standards, nothing here is that crowded.

I love and sincerely appreciate the subway system here. It is infinitely cleaner, quieter, more efficient, and more pleasant than New York’s subway system. There is a screen that tells you when the next trains are coming, usually just in 5 minute increments. So you are never left wondering if you are going to have to wait for 3 minutes or 30 minutes. And the trains actually arrive when they are supposed to. You don’t have to go that far underground to catch the subway, there are no cards to swipe, and you don’t have to be subjected to that horrible screeching sound that NYC subways make. I see people drinking on the subway all day long, and yet I have never really seen anyone drunk or behaving badly. There are tv screens on each subway car that show the weather forecast and news (no audio, just visual). And the recorded announcements are very clear, so that a person with zero German could understand the names of the stops. The subway and tram system is truly one of Berlin’s best features.

I love that Germans are devoted to environmental protection. Everyone drives tiny cars, has a tiny washing machine (ok, I don’t love that), and a tiny refrigerator (ok, I don’t love that either). But I applaud their commitment, and I hope that some day I finally figure out the trash system here. I live in fear that when I’m in the trash room sorting everything, some scary Trashfrau is going to come down from the sky and yell at me for putting paper in with cardboard, or milk cartons in with paper, or Good God, I don’t know, it’s just so complicated!!! When I first got here, I found myself skulking around the neighborhood at 2 a.m. trying to find a trash can with an opening bigger than my arm where I could deposit my trash. None to be found. But I am facing my fears, and since that low point in my trash behavior, I have been sorting like a pro, sort of.

I am impressed and somewhat stupefied by everyone riding their bikes everywhere, even in the sleet and rain. It seems masochistic. Last week we had two days of black ice, and people still rode their bikes. With their dogs or children on board. I saw several people wipe out, and it didn’t seem to faze them at all. They just hopped back on their bikes, on the ice, and kept going. Huh.

I do love that no one seems to care about what they are wearing all that much. I think this is specific to Berlin, but in general, people don’t seem obsessed with having to have the best car, the best bike, the best clothes, the most up-to-date hairstyle or color. In fact, many people look like they are straight out of New Jersey in 1987. But what’s great is that no one cares. Unfortunately this attitude does not prevail in the opera world, but I am enjoying it in day-to-day life. I have quite literally only seen one ad for cosmetic surgery since I have been here, can you imagine? I’m sure it won’t last, but it is worth appreciating.

And now, things I am learning to love…..

There is no such thing as customer service here. When you are at a restaurant, you practically have to tackle a server to make a request. And then it might be 30 minutes before you get your drink, if at all. Yesterday I had brunch with 7 others, and after one round of drinks, our glasses sat empty for the next hour and ½. The restaurant would have made a lot of money if they had stayed on top of our drink requests, but the servers themselves wouldn’t make any more money, so why should they care? And indeed, they do not. However – it IS nice to not have servers trying to up-sell constantly, trying to force-feed you appetizers and dessert and more drinks. It IS nice to be able to stay long after you have finished your meal, and to feel no pressure from the staff to spend more or leave. And it’s nice to know that your server is not counting on your tip to pay his or her rent.

And what I am trying to love but so far just HATE……

I can’t stand that everything is closed on Sundays!!!!! It just makes me freakin’ crazy!!! I feel like a caged animal!! How can anyone just arbitrarily take away my shopping rights, just because it is a Sunday? And how can those businesses stomach losing an entire day’s worth of income?? Here I am, a left-wing, tree-hugging, anti-corporation hippie musician and I don’t understand how they can willingly lose a day of money!!! If I feel that way, how can the business owners stand it? I am amazed, and frankly, still in the anger and denial phase. Thank GOD I live in Berlin, where at least the restaurants stay open. But you are on your own if you need toilet paper on a Sunday! Of course I do realize how ridiculously self-entitled, spoiled, and obnoxiously American these feelings are. But I’ve made peace with that. This is where I am today. My friends who have lived here a while tell me that I’ll get over it and maybe even appreciate it. We’ll see.

Next time, I’ll tell you what I miss the most about New York, because those things are starting to add up. Bis dann…..

Floppy Bits

13. Januar 2008

Every day I take Lila to the Volkspark in my neighborhood. It’s not really a pretty park, just a bunch of leafless trees and muddy paths. But it spans many acres, has a huge dog park, and plenty of room to walk or run. Apparently the concept of exercise has taken off in Berlin, because today the park was packed with joggers. I even saw some smiling joggers, which is not a sight I am used to seeing in Germany.

Unfortunately, the images from my stroll in the park that I can’t get out of my mind are not of my dog frisking with other pups in the dog park, nor are they of the joggers who smiled while listening to music on their ipods. What I can’t get out of my head are all the floppy bits I had to see as the joggers passed by. Now, I applaud Germans for getting into exercise, especially given the amount of sausage consumed per capita in this country. And many of the joggers I see seem to take great pride in wearing true workout gear: wicking fabric, shiny colors, light-reflective fabric, etc. But somewhere in the process, no one seemed to pick up on needing to wear supportive underwear underneath those trendy exercise outfits. I have never in my life seen so many breasts bounce at such high velocity. Up to the chin, down to the waist, up to the chin, down to the waist, flop, flop, BANG BANG PLOP PLOP!!!! And it causes me great pain to see this, because I know that their muscle fibers are ripping and shredding, and that they will soon have big, stretched out flopsters that hang down past their belly buttons. And ladies, doesn’t that HURT??I just don’t understand.

And while we are on the subject of pain, picture this: An older gentleman, with very thin running tights on, tucked into his socks and shoes, so they look like stirrup pants circa 1982. Pants pulled all the way up past his waist, highlighting and clinging around his floppy little package. Come on, men, aren’t you supposed to be wearing a cup, or a dance belt, or something? Keep it together! No one wants to see that!!! It ruined my appetite for at least an hour.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is: People…..Keep your sausage to yourselves!
I wonder how to say that in German?

The First Few Days

Happy New Year!

I was on an overseas flight on New Year's Eve, and the atmosphere was less than festive. Surrounded by infants on all sides and seated next to the baby-changing room, I had a very loud and aromatic flight. Most of you know my enormous patience for babies, so it was only a minor inconvenience, and the hardest part was not being able to hold, play with, and calm the babies myself. As it happens, here in Berlin I share a wall with a newborn, who cries at frequent intervals all night long, and of course I wake up along with her. Is the Universe trying to send me a message?

I knew that I had indeed arrived in Germany when I saw the sex shop in the Munich airport. Dirty Germans!

My dog Lila handled the flights and airport time like a champ. Right now she is making herself at home on my pillow, and seems to have no trouble adjusting to the time change, German dog food, or German dogs. We found a fantastic dog park today, just five minutes from us, and larger and more wooded than any dog park I've seen in the U.S.

My apartment is fantastic, a large, sunny studio with a real kitchen, dishwasher, and washing machine! I also have a balcony that I'm sure I'll use more when the temperature rises above zero degrees Celsius. The building has an elevator and a pretty courtyard, and is very quiet (aside from the baby). The neighborhood is "Kreuzberg," part of the former East Berlin. Sections of the wall still exist in Kreuzberg, and it is a young, hip, and culturally mixed neighborhood. The city has sort of a grungy feel, even in the yuppier neighborhoods like Prenzlauer Berg. Dress is extremely casual (sloppy, even). I have heard complaints about the safety of this neighborhood, but I can't imagine why. I feel completely safe here at all hours of the night, and as far as cities go, this one feels pretty mellow.

One of my favorite things about Berlin so far is the honor system: You order a drink at a bar, and if you offer to pay immediately, the bartender seems to almost be insulted. He/she trusts you to drink as much as you want, stay for as many hours as you like, and then tell him at the end of the night what you've ordered. Such faith in humanity! I also appreciate that there are no turnstiles in the subway, you simply buy your ticket from the machine, slip it in another machine to be validated and get on the train. You could conceivably not pay for a ticket. However, yesterday I was checked twice in one day for my subway ticket. Never in my life have I been checked on a European subway, so after being checked twice in one day, I can only gather that they are cracking down. The "officers" were in plain clothes, so I guess they hope to sneak up on us.

Another amazing concept is that NO ONE crosses the street unless the light is green. People simply do not jaywalk and they look at you like you are a martian if you do. Rule followers!!! My mother would fit in so well here.

English is spoken everywhere, and is all over the radio, tv, and print advertisements. People love to practice their English, so it is hard to keep them on track speaking German to me. I will be enrolling in intensive daily classes starting on Monday, so that should help.

Thanks to the wonderful web site and on-line forum "Toytown Germany", I already have several new friends and have gotten a taste of the interesting restaurants and vibrant nightlife here. Within four days I will have had excellent Thai, Japanese, Indian, and Nepalese food! I'm sure there will be many things I miss about New York, but it appears that the food won't have to be one of them.

My days in German class will be interrupted by audition trips. This week I will go to Duesseldorf, and next week to Muenchen. Wish me luck!

Skype is a miracle! Download it and you can talk to your friends all over the world for free! www.skype.com

That's all for now. My plans for the weekend include teaching my first yoga student here and meeting up with new friends for an gluttonous, American-style Sunday Brunch.
Bis Spaeter!